Friday, May 28, 2004
( 6:16 PM ) The Rat
THE RAT NEEDS TO GET HERSELF one of these. Thanks to JWB for sending.
# Posted by The Rat @ 6:16 PM
( 1:57 PM ) The Rat
THE GOOD PARTS, POETRY VERSION. Randomly found on the Internet. Made me laugh so hard I almost lost consciousness.
To His Coy Mistress was my favorite sex poem. I interpreted it as a man who wanted to be with a virgin woman. In the poem he flatters her with complements about how good she looks. He also makes an argument that she would not want to loose her virginity to any other man because they are "worms".
Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Day? is not a sex poem. It is a poem comparing a woman to summer. I can't see the sex in that.
# Posted by The Rat @ 1:57 PM
( 1:53 PM ) The Rat
AWKWARD ENCOUNTER NOT AWKWARD AT ALL WHEN MASTURBATED ABOUT. From this week's Onion. This week's horoscopes are good too.
OLYMPIA, WA—An uncomfortable exchange between Brad Leydner, 25, and Ginny, the cute redheaded waitress at Hugo's Bistro, lost all awkwardness when envisioned in Leydner's masturbation fantasy later that afternoon. "So, would you like to grab a coffee after your shift?" a nervous Leydner asked Ginny in both the real and imagined scenarios Monday. "Oh, Brad, I can't wait four hours to see you. You should fuck me hard, right in this booth," replied the Dream Ginny moments before Leydner achieved orgasm. In the fantasy scenario, Ginny did not hide in the kitchen to avoid speaking to Leydner while he paid for his meal.
# Posted by The Rat @ 1:53 PM
( 1:46 PM ) The Rat
CLICK HERE to see what would probably happen if the Rat ever tried seeing a therapist...
# Posted by The Rat @ 1:46 PM
( 1:44 PM ) The Rat
"You know why we're such good friends, Vanya, you and I? Because we're both boring, disagreeable people."
# Posted by The Rat @ 1:44 PM
Saturday, May 22, 2004
( 8:31 PM ) The Rat
HAVING THE KIND OF DAY I'M HAVING? Click here.
# Posted by The Rat @ 8:31 PM
( 6:58 AM ) The Rat
"A THIRD OF GERMAN MOTORISTS fantasize about sex while stuck in traffic," according to this report.
[O]nly 10 percent think of finding an alternate route, according to a motor club survey published Thursday.
Eight percent think about how much petrol they have, seven percent about their next meal, and seven percent about going to a toilet. Six percent think about their careers. One in ten caught focus on their families, seven percent on shopping lists and another seven percent worry about the damage the traffic jam might do to their clutch. Only six percent said they don't think about anything in traffic jams.
# Posted by The Rat @ 6:58 AM
( 5:02 AM ) The Rat
# Posted by The Rat @ 5:02 AM
( 4:24 AM ) The Rat
NEW WORDS FOR 2004. From an e-mail I was recently forwarded. The full list can be found here.
seagull manager: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
salmon day: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
mouse potato: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
irritainment: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials and Michael Jackson's affairs are examples.
percussive maintenance: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
# Posted by The Rat @ 4:24 AM
( 1:23 AM ) The Rat
THE REALAGE TEST. Moral: The Rat was a lot younger before she went back to school.
# Posted by The Rat @ 1:23 AM
Monday, May 17, 2004
( 2:59 PM ) The Rat
PEOPLE ARE STRANGE.
Seven men who enjoyed duck and caviar at more than 22,000 feet in the Himalayas pitched a claim for the record highest altitude formal dinner.
One Australian and six British men made it to the top of the 23,113-feet Tibetan peak Lhakpa Ri near Mount Everest carrying tables, chairs and white tie dinner suits earlier this month. Gales forced them back to 22,326 feet for the sumptuous meal.
The month-long expedition raised more than $44,000 for the British Lung Foundation for research into the lung disease sarcoidosis...
# Posted by The Rat @ 2:59 PM
( 2:53 PM ) The Rat
AH, CHILDHOOD... Here first, then here. Note that that happened to Schulz himself with his original 'little red-haired girl.'
# Posted by The Rat @ 2:53 PM
( 2:40 PM ) The Rat
It is not down in any map; true places never are.
# Posted by The Rat @ 2:40 PM
Sunday, May 16, 2004
( 10:49 PM ) The Rat
WHO IS JOHN KERRY? Via the Onion.
# Posted by The Rat @ 10:49 PM
( 10:24 PM ) The Rat
It is nine years now that I have spent dying...
# Posted by The Rat @ 10:24 PM
Saturday, May 15, 2004
( 11:10 PM ) The Rat
HERE'S AN ARTICLE ABOUT that Cornell study on lying in different media.
People lie more often over the telephone than in any other form of communication, according to new research out of Cornell University. [...You're] far more likely to tell the truth in an e-mail than in a face to face meeting, or over the phone, or through instant messaging.
# Posted by The Rat @ 11:10 PM
Friday, May 14, 2004
( 2:18 PM ) The Rat
CITY DECLARES 'NO COMMUNIST' ZONE. It's stuff like this that makes me want to move back to California...
# Posted by The Rat @ 2:18 PM
Thursday, May 13, 2004
( 6:16 PM ) The Rat
IN CASE YOUR OWN LIFE ISN'T GIVING YOU ENOUGH OF THAT SINKING FEELING... Bad Scrabble hands, via Eve.
# Posted by The Rat @ 6:16 PM
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
( 10:40 AM ) The Rat
Lovely weather for hanging yourself.
# Posted by The Rat @ 10:40 AM
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
( 5:05 PM ) The Rat
THE RAT HAS JUST RECEIVED an invitation for a "French karaoke night." She reproduces it here without comment.
Grande Premiere French Karaoke Night. United Nations versus French Institute Alliance Française. Sing in French on Thursday, June 3. 6pm to 8 30pm at FIAF — Tinker Auditorium — 56 East 59th Street. Cabaret Night, gift for the winners — Free Drinks
RSVP to Fbrosson@fiaf.org Everyone welcome. Admission: $10
# Posted by The Rat @ 5:05 PM
( 3:15 PM ) The Rat
She told me her name, the one she had chosen for herself. 'Nadja, because in Russian it's the beginning of the word hope, and because it's only the beginning.'
—Andre Breton, Nadja
# Posted by The Rat @ 3:15 PM
Monday, May 10, 2004
( 10:45 PM ) The Rat
Literature is one of the saddest roads that leads to everything.
# Posted by The Rat @ 10:45 PM
Saturday, May 08, 2004
( 3:04 PM ) The Rat
Other infants were left by the roadside. In the yellow-earth country of north-west China, people abandoned their children by the roadside in holes dug out of the soft soil. One interviewee described what happened: 'Those who still had the strength left the village begging and many died on the road. The road from the village to the neighbouring provinces was strewed with bodies, and piercing wails came from holes on both sides of the road. Following the cries, you could see the tops of the heads of children who were abandoned in those holes. A lot of the parents thought their children had a better chance of surviving if they were adopted by someone else. The holes were just deep enough so that the children could not get out to follow them but could be seen by passers-by who might adopt them.'
—Hungry Ghosts: Mao's Secret Famine
# Posted by The Rat @ 3:04 PM
Friday, May 07, 2004
( 3:23 PM ) The Rat
I'VE BEEN BEATEN TO THE PUNCH on another topic for a book.
Sullivan's book tracks the history of rats, describes such oddities as the promoters of rat fights in the 19th century and details a convention of exterminators.
While he once captured a rat, Sullivan says he has never brought one home nor is he likely to adopt one as a pet.
"No I never kept a rat. I'm married," he explained.
# Posted by The Rat @ 3:23 PM
( 3:14 PM ) The Rat
MASTURBATORY PROSE STYLE FAILS TO REACH CLIMAX. Via the Onion. This week's "Infograph" is also pretty good.
NEW YORK—Writer Terrence Hendrie's debut novel I, Me, Eye, with its lengthy sentences and elaborate footnotes, failed to result in a climax, sources reported Monday. "Hendrie really works himself into a frenzy, massaging his love for obscure vocabulary," bookstore owner Robert Silvers said of the 385-page novel, which opens, "Adam, his serpentine ponytail flapping freely in the wintertide dithers, frostbitten grapewine bouche pursed around a smoldering Camel, hands gripping a Dachshund-eared copy of Hesse's Damien, which he recalled borrowing from his Cambridge roommate Geoffrey—young Geoffrey, how Adam chided him for his nostalgie de la boue." "Then, after 385 pages, the wanking-off ends abruptly, leaving the reader unsatisfied." Silvers added that the book's attempts at humor were too dry.
# Posted by The Rat @ 3:14 PM
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
( 12:44 PM ) The Rat
I remember as a child in Europe gloating over a map of North America that had 'Appalachian Mountains' boldly running from Alabama up to New Brunswick, so that the whole region they spanned—Tennessee, the Virginias, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire and Maine, appeared to my imagination as a gigantic Switzerland or even Tibet, all mountain, glorious diamond peak upon peak, giant conifers, le montagnard émigré in his bear skin glory, and Felis tigris goldsmithi, and Red Indians under the catalpas. That it all boiled down to a measly suburban lawn and a smoking garbage incinerator, was appalling.
# Posted by The Rat @ 12:44 PM
Monday, May 03, 2004
( 6:41 PM ) The Rat
FOR ALL OF YOU OUT THERE WHO'VE EVER THOUGHT TO YOURSELVES, 'GEE, I SURE WISH THE MORMONS WOULD HOLD AN OPEN HOUSE'—this is your lucky month!
# Posted by The Rat @ 6:41 PM
( 2:11 AM ) The Rat
THE RAT has never read any explanations of what the Christos' work is supposed to "mean," but at this point she really doesn't want to: It's much funnier to imagine them simply as eccentric rich people, monomaniacally determined to swathe as many large objects as possible in miles of colorful fabric. An exhibition is now showing as a prelude to "The Gates," which goes up, weather permitting, next February. On the accompanying postcards the Met is selling, it's specified that the artists will receive no portion of the proceeds—thus it's purely an exercise in spending money, unlike the usual avant-garbage concocted merely to make it. (Richard Pryor's character in Brewster's Millions could have learned a thing or two from these people.) The Rat copied down this entire paragraph from the wall at the start of the show; she still has no idea whether it was intended to be funny, but the italics, and the chronology, are priceless:
Christo and Jeanne-Claude's aspiration to create a major public work of art for New York began when they emigrated from Europe in 1964. Initially, the artists were most impressed by the city's skyline. They first proposed wrapping two office buildings in lower Manhattan (Lower Manhattan Wrapped Buildings, Project for Number 2 Broadway and Number 20 Exchange Place, New York) in 1964, but they were denied permission in 1966. Between 1967 and 1968 they submitted proposals for three additional projects in New York (The Museum of Modern Art Wrapped, Project for New York City; Wrapped Whitney Museum of American Art, Project for New York City; and Wrapped Building, Project for Allied Chemical Tower, Number 1 Times Square, New York City). They were again denied permission, so that none of these proposals was ever realized. During the 1970s while creating projects elsewhere but continuing to live and work in New York, the artists remained committed to succeeding in completing a major outdoor work of art in the city. Their attention turned away from the skyline, and toward the vast flow of people walking through the streets. The resulting proposal was The Gates, a project directly related to the human scale, to be sited in Central Park, whose 843 acres are the ultimate local for walking at leisure. First proposed in 1979, the project was rejected in 1981 but ultimately approved on January 22, 2003, by Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg, for temporary installation in February 2005.
# Posted by The Rat @ 2:11 AM
( 12:56 AM ) The Rat
I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just as I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. A body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say, "Hey! Look at these!" She made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man! Yeah... she reminded me of my mother, all right.
—Naked Gun 2-1/2
# Posted by The Rat @ 12:56 AM